Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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