i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
