the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
someone owes me an orgasm
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
