After last night, I could never be a politician.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
