how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
