She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
is it fun? or sober?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
