So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
