i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
