If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
