So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
