I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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