I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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