God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
