And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
