Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
