I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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