hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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