every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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