I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
