It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
