captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
