We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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