ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well you can't waste a boner
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
