I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
