He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
