Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
