she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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