The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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