She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
