Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
