The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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