he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
