Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
