The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
