I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
