it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
