Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
