Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
whose parrot is this?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
