I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
