marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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