I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
