I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
