god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They took my balls.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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