med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
