i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
