a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
