I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
