She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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