yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
