i permit you to call me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
