After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
