Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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