You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
BRING THE BAGELS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
