Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
