You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
