I feel great
I just peed on a car
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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