And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
